Relief Exists
by MornaStarlettaFireSeer
Summary: Itchweeed Enigma Hardy; Jeffrey Nero Hardy's Split personality has lived through a world of darkness and in his last few months finds out what he should do with the pain he has inside.


A/N: I altered the lyrics a little bit to fit my need for the story. It's not changed much so if you don't like it I'm sorry but it is going to be a good story.

Relief Exists

My room has no light, No sounds except my own breathing. I live in a world of black. My life was good once, once when I was just gaining memories of my mother. I know only one person now. One person I know…one person I love, but I am so afraid of him I do not dare look him in the eye. He comes to me occasionally. I am ten years old. I am a ten year old stuck in a thirty year olds body. I do not know the world like you do. Because this man, my other half, my father, keeps me locked away inside so no one sees.

_I'm not a stranger  
No I am yours  
With crippled anger  
And tears that still drip sore_

My father, who I never see only when he comes to beat me, or throw things at me. I am a stranger to those around me, but he knows I'm here, and that is why he does it. Drunken rages turn into my pain as well. Maybe he wants me to feel the pain he feels. Of knowing he has a shame right here. A ten year old shame that he never wants the world to know. I'm his, I'm his son and I still wait for the day that daddy can pass my lips without the tears. The tears that burn my face with the heat they produce. A small painful reminder that I am neglected left to fend for myself.

_A fragile flame aged  
In misery  
And when our eyes meet  
I know you see_

My body and soul seems to become more fragile with the days as they go by. Slowly one by one the night and day blend. I'm left in the dark with no one to talk to. Neglected. When he comes into my bedroom in those states when he throws things at me I can't help but think if I was gone, maybe things would be better. Maybe he would love me then. Love me how he should love me. I came from him, born of him and with him. Born to accompany him on his life's journey. But, it is I that is alone. I who is left to go on life's journey by myself. I know he see's my pain when he wakes up and I am cleaning up the mess of glass and he is on the inside. But I have to return when he sobers so that he can keep living a life that he doesn't want to share.

_I do not want to be afraid  
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in  
I'm tired of feeling so numb  
Relief exists I find it when  
I am cut_

I found relief once you know, when he threw my only lamp at me. The only thing I had for light. It broke against the wall and it cut my face. The happiness I felt when I cut my arm, made that first cut to death. That first cut to his happiness. I only want to make my daddy happy. Should I die to do that? Should I kill myself so that he is happy in his life, so that he doesn't have to share it with me? So I cut, and cut, and cut myself, over and over in my room. Bloody tear, bloody bed, bloody life, bloody me. I cut myself to make him happy, and it made me happy knowing it made him happy.

_I may seem crazy  
Or painfully shy  
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden  
If you would just look me in the eye  
I feel alone here and cold here  
Though I don't want to die  
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside_

Sure you may think I'm crazy when you see me, long sleeve shirts with holes to represent my childhood, one that I am still living today. I wouldn't have to do this if he would love me the way a father should. The way he should. He should teach me, but he only wants me gone. So I cut myself because it is the only thing that will make him be happy. The only thing that will make me happy. I don't want to die, I want to live, I want to see the world, but I have no choice. He is my daddy, and what he wants, I'll give him. Maybe he will love me when I am gone.

_I do not want to be afraid  
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in  
I'm tired of feeling so numb  
Relief exists I find it when  
I am cut  
Pain  
I am not alone  
I am not alone_

I want to feel happy again. Maybe I can see my mother in heaven now that I am so close to death. So much blood is gone, has been gone from day to day, barely letting the cuts heal. He can't see them, it's all dark anyway. Should I leave him a letter saying how sorry I am that he had to share his life with me for 30 years? Should I say goodbye before I finish this? I know I will be alone for the last time I have here, in this dark hole of my world. But, I won't be alone for long. I will be better. I'll have my mother.

_I'm not a stranger  
No I am yours  
With crippled anger  
And tears that still drip sore_

As I sat alone in my darkness the last day I was alive. I could hear my father laugh and joke with our brother. I just wanted to say goodbye. I stole a moment to do so. The look on my brother's face as he realized who was saying goodbye to him was one I had not expected. His face was sad but happy at the same time. He had missed me. I think I cried when I thought that I would never see him again, never talk to him again, never play with him again like we used to. I slipped into the darkness again as my father returned to his world. His world of light. I sat down and wrote my letter to him, my final goodbye to the father that I loved, but who caused me so much pain.

_But I do not want to be afraid  
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in  
I'm tired of feeling so numb  
Relief exists I found it when  
I was cut_

_Jeff Hardy,_

_I am sorry Daddy, I love you. I know that you hate that you have to share your body and mind with me. It's not fair that we were combined into one person when we should have been two. But you won't have to worry about that anymore. I am going to give you more room. Maybe you'll love me now too. Maybe that's all you ever wanted, and the reason you hurt me was to show me that you needed room, needed space. I'll say hi to mommy for you. I'm sure you miss her as much as I do. I'm sorry about all the bloodshed. I'm sorry about all the pain. I'll miss you, but one day I'll see you again. Maybe it will be in a blink of an eye like mama said when we lost our dog. Please be happy now daddy. I love you._

_Itchweeed Enigma Hardy Your split personality._

(A/N: Alright Everyone, I had to. Spur of the moment thing and I just had to. Since Itchweeed is Jeff's "Alter Ego." I thought, "What if he was actually Jeff's split personality?" That and I had to explain the way he acted in THS. So please review I want to know what you guys thought of the story. Thanks guys!)


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